Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
