mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is the high leading the old right now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
