drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
