So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
