yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
