You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
