I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
