I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Come share oat with me in your robe
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