Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
