She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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