tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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