Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
