I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
