Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
