I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
