Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I stole a fireplace last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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