i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I intend to get homeless drunk
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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