Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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