Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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