So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My vagina just clenched in fear
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