Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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