I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
