She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
