Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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