Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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