I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
