Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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