Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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