I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
