I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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