talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
