so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
