Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize