can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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