I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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