He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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