I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
