: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I love having hate sex.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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