at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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