this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Randomize
