just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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