so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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