using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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