We won't sleep together?
i think my tv is drunk
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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