Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
