I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
