I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
