I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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