I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
