it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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