Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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