life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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