So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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