Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
