Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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