we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
