Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
