In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
