how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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