Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
